So, last time we explored Pinterest we determined that I have a love for things that are gooey. So, Vanilla Custard Cake – right up my alley, RIGHT? Especially after the Chocolate Cobbler success.
Yeah, let’s make this thing! Here it is (I can’t bring myself to link it, I’m trying to save you here!): https://omgchocolatedesserts.com/vanilla-magic-custard-cake/
Please don’t…no really, for my sake, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS RECIPE!!!
There never needs to be another one of these cakes in the world, ever. BLECH!
Full disclosure: I messed up a little and mixed the sugar with the melted butter and water…but forgot the egg yolks until right before I put in the egg whites. Also, I did not let this cool COMPLETELY before I got some (I like warm cake, can you blame me????) The shape of the baking dish might have also contributed to some weirdness – I used an oval Corningware Dish.
Let’s cut to the chase here…
The cake itself was sweet. One note sweet. Just…sweet. Not that warm vanilla taste that comes from good vanilla desserts. It was just sweet. Blech.
This whole thing was supposed to be 3 layers…
Layer #1, cake layer…nice crisp top, the crumb was a bit dense. Not bad.
Layer #2, custard layer…the picture showed this amazing gravity defying, luscious custard. Something that looked like your fork would cause it to fall apart. Mine was not. Mine was soupish. Mine could not stand up to a mild breeze. It was a deflated tire, a sunken soufflé, a pancake of custard – if you will.
Layer #3 HARD custard layer…so this was sort of a shocker to me. The middle of my cake did not have a hard layer, only the edges. BUT because of the oval shape of my pan I got some strange drifting up the side as the corners. SO part of the cake had hard baked custard ¾ of the way up the cake and a tiny layer of soup. Some had a reasonable layer of hard custard. Thing is…that hard custard is in no way a joy to eat. It is hard egg. It is a rubber layer upon which your cake sits. It is a ruinous mouthfeel after the glory that should be a fluffly cake and a smooth custard – but it isn’t what ruins this cake…
What ruins it you ask? The mysterious 4th layer, layer #2A
Layer #2A, vanilla gummy bear (?????)…it was that transition layer from cake to custard and it was AWFUL! HORRIBLE! NO GOOD! VERY BAD! It was like eating a vanilla gummy bear made out of flour. It stuck to my teeth but tasted powdery. It was so bad I had to go brush my teeth. That layer was just the most heinous thing I’ve had in my mouth in a while.
So please, for the love of my custard loving heart…to save the world from taking the word MAGIC and sticking it on this very non-mystical cake…do not make this cake!
But if you do, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Afterall, I’m here to save you from things like this…let me take the hits, will ya? I’m good at it. And my new kitchen makes it not feel so bad when crap like this happens and I have to throw the whole thing out before anyone else accidentally eats some.
