I wish I could say I’ve been consumed with NANOWRIMO, but I can’t.

The short version is this…I’ve got eye strain. Oh yes, me of the HUGE screen has developed eye strain so bad I want to pluck them out and roll them around in salt for some relief. My head has been hurting so badly that I spend half my time rubbing my eyes and neck and the other half moaning about how bad I hurt instead of writing…

Thus I’m taking as much time off from the computer as possible…I’m still doing the NANOthing, I’m at 34,000+ words (haven’t added them all up lately-but I know I’m down at least 4thousand from the 2 days I was in bed with a sheet over my head wishing for death) I’m just doing those words in a journal and then transcribing them.  Mostly I’m doing the transcribing into the computer  with my eyes closed, which is sort of funny and gives me some great typos.

This wouldn’t be so bad but I’ve got to use the computer all day for work, so there is no real relief available unless I take the time off from the screen at home, and that’s what I’ve got to do. (It also helps that I’ve got an archives project here at work that allows me to get away from the screen when it gets bad during the day…but does not solve the problem.)

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what was going on with my blog…and my life. It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I hate pain.

Find your peace and live it, even if it’s with your eyes closed.

-Renee

The instructions:  Place words on the vine so matched words go together, remember to connect all words on the vine.

Basically they give you words like “tree, apple, sauce” and a vine that looks like this:  .—.—. (the dots are where you put the words).  Obviously apple goes in the center because you can make “apple tree” and “apple sauce” and “tree sauce” just sounds wrong, although I guess if it was a maple…ok, no I still don’t want to go down that road.

It’s fun, for wordy folks.

Monday started like this: woke up to the dog panting to be let out, rubbed eyes, took a step toward the bathroom (bursting bladder comes before desperate dog some days)…stepped in dog poop, screamed, hopped to living room with dog trying to knock me over, hopped into dog pee, screamed again, let dog out. THEN after getting my feet cleaned off, taking a shower, feeding the cats, getting breakfast, changing clothing, and transferring what I had worked on the night before to my flash drive I realized…wait, I let the old dog back in, where is she?

Oh yes, that’s right she’s in the cat room eating two cups of cat food so she can be sick all day and poop everywhere. Somedays…no, some weeks are not worth waking up for.

Since that very telling morning I’ve been fighting a bad mood, a headache that could kill small children and the elderly (likely brought on by…), neck/eye strain, and this overpowering desire to just sleep! But no, I’ve got 2000 words a day looming over me like the tsunami that ate my brain, and if I let it get too far ahead of me I’ll never catch up.

Enough griping, let me tell you a sad story…I was in the pool, I’d pushed myself to do 18 laps (I started with just 12 so this is really a good thing) after working on my legs with the weight machines. I was breathing hard and felt wrung out, and while finishing the last half of my last lap a guy (thin, surprisingly not in a speedo, goggles, very little hair) stands at the end of my lap. When I arrive he very sweetly asks me if he can share my lane (I heart this guy already, he’s not making me look at his package and he’s being polite!!!). I tell him he can have it, and as I strip off all my swimming equipment, and lately I’ve got a lot, we have the following conversation…

“I can share, I don’t mind.”
“Nah, I’ve done my 22 for the night. I’m finished.” (twinge of guilt for lying, but the man is so damn thin!!!! Be sure to pull a face of exhaustion, because 22 yeah that’ll exhaust anyone! You’re a badass Renee!)
“I hear it takes 88 to make a mile.”
“Really, I heard it was in the 60’s…oh well, I just don’t have it in me to do anymore tonight.”
“I know how you feel, some days I get in the pool and I’m feeling good I’ve eaten right I’ve gotten enough sleep and I hit about 45 and think…I just can’t do another lap.”
(starts to think perhaps I should have said 35…40…perhaps 100 wouldn’t be too much of a stretch…yeah, I do 100 laps a day, what of it? You think a fat girl can’t find time for 100 laps? Sizeist. *spits*) “Some days it just doesn’t work out. I’m feeling good that I’ve gotten up to 18, I started at 12.” (desperate vie for validation)
“Good for you! You know daily improvement is the goal.”
“Yeah. Daily improvement.” (smile brightly, too brightly, begin to look manic…time to giggle like a freak) *giggle* “Well, have a great workout. Goodnight.”
RUN! RUN FAR AWAY! DON’T EVEN STOP AT THE HOT TUB, JUST RUN FAT GIRL RUN!!!!!

The end.

Find your peace and live it, even if it is only 18 laps long!  You’re a badass!

-Renee

Today is my first one.

I would rather do anything but write today.  Anything!  ANYTHING!  I’ve been listening to British Next Top Model for God’s sake!  How desperate must I be?  I’ve punched out 500+ words but only because the terror of having 4000 words to put to paper tomorrow makes my heart beat in a sort of painful off-kilter way.  It’s not even that I have writers cramp, far from it actually, I’ve got an entire chapter outlined and ready to go…I just DON’T WANT TO DO IT!

I cannot figure out what is wrong with me.  I’ve had to reward myself over and over again today for doing the barest of work!  Five minutes writing…get to listen to a 40 minute podcast.  Ten minutes writing…and an installment of ANTM (well, BNTM) an installment being 10 minutes or so.

What is wrong with me?  OYE!  I just wish I could find the drive today…the need to keep going to beat out imaginary (ok, so they are real but not in my life) foes and make them cringe at my wordcount…unfortunately I’m thinking of going back through all my stuff to see if I can wring out a few more words (via missed files and random bits and background info) so I don’t have to write the rest of my 1,500 words for the day.

It won’t happen, we all know that if I had more than 200 words hiding somewhere I’ve already pulled that puppy out and used it.  Amen.  And don’t get all holier than thou, you know you do the same thing…

Anyway, find you peace and…hey I wonder if this would count?  It IS writing.  No?  You guys are so mean.

-Renee

The real reason for this post is a little 8th day distraction (and on the 8th day they rested?????).  Day has been loading my IPOD down with music and podcasts and videos, for which I am thankful.  During my writing time I use the music to drown out distractions, and during my breathing time I use the podcasts to keep me in the writing spirit.  Well, the other day she did especially well!

We are both fans of the Escape Artists line of podcasts (Escape Pod, Pod Castle, and Pseudopod) and I’m proud to say I’ve got all three on my IPOD.  BUT the other day I listened to epsiode #113 on Psuedopod and was captivated!  http://pseudopod.org

The story is called, “Furnace Room Lullaby” by Leah Bobet, and I loved it.  I shared it with Day and she commented that I write a lot like Leah, thus of course I would like it…but I’m not sure I agree.  I think Leah has the restraint I do not have.  If I am giving you a feast at famine’s table, I’m telling you about every plate you’ll see.  Your palette gets numb, you just see another dish.  Leah gives you the centerpiece and then lets you taste it.  She rolls it around on your tongue for you, letting some flavors sink in and others slide past into your stomach for a full feeling later.

Seriously, this story is polished and fine.  Worth the distraction (I’m listening to it now) and it might even kick you into writing gear as it has done for me the last two times I’ve listened to it.  http://pseudopod.org/2008/10/24/pseudopod-113-furnace-room-lullaby/

Huzzah and enjoy! 

Find your peace and live it, even if it is…oh, look!  Shiny!

-Renee