(This is blog bite lite today. Why? Because I think I’ve said it. I think this blog entry gets what I’m trying to say without being melodramatic or maudlin. So, you’ll just have to eat light today…sorry, but you can have an apple later.)
So it’s taken a little bit, but I think I’m coming back around to writing…and I’ll tell you what did it. The fear of not doing it.
Yup, the only thing that kept swimming around in my head was the idea that my stories would never be told if I didn’t tell them. They would stay forever half developed, choppy half-hinged chapters if I didn’t sit down and make it right/write.
I don’t want Truth and Harmony and Honey to die on the vine. I don’t want the worlds I’ve created…where gods fear nothing and children have the power and gender is as fluid as wine…to disappear, stillborn into the void.
I’ve got things to say and I’ve got my own unique way of saying it! I want people to hear and see and experience. I want them to draw a deep breath after reading a chapter only to dive right back in for the next morsel I’ve served up.
Yes, I do want to write. No matter how hard or thankless. No matter how much I doubt what I am doing or hate what I am producing…
I want my words to be heard, if only by you…or the editors rejecting them…but still, heard by someone other than myself in the lonely hours in front of my computer.
So yeah, I’m back on the wagon. I’m putting pen to paper/fingers to keys. I’m looking up and forward and hoping to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Wish me luck?
Find your peace, accept your burden, and live it.
One of my friends has a t-shirt that shows a student standing with his professor in front of a blackboard covered with a complicated equation. Between the problem and the solution there is a space where the student has written, “Then a miracle occurs”.
That’s how I feel when I write. I often know the beginning and the ending but it’s the middle that gets me bogged down and I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the miracle is that is going to hook them together.
It’s a common problem with fledgling writers, more popularly referred to as “Second Act Problems”. It is the most common reason for rejection among new writers that have been contacted for partials. I love the idea that I can make it through the first round of reviews, I can get a request for a partial, I can turn it in and guess what…my weakest part is likely going to be the thing they focus on AND the reason they pass on my novel. No pressure. ARGH! But hey, at least I’ve got some good company (namely a lot of you out there)…not that it makes it any easier to deal with.
Still, there are times when I can pull it off and this past week I did just that. “In Harm’s Way” ground to a halt when I hit that middle point last year during NANOWRIMO, but I didn’t have time to stop. I skipped ahead and wrote the ending, but that gap came back to haunt me when I got the ending done. So, from January to nearly May I agonized over it until I just decided to throw something down so I could call it done. Now a year later (and 5 chapters into editing and another novel under my belt) it all comes together.
I looked at “In Harm’s Way” and thought about something a friend at the writing group had mentioned. That was all it took and suddenly the knot that had been snarling up the works smoothed itself out. I’m not saying it’s totally fixed, I’m not saying it’s written, I’m just saying I can see the glowing thread stretching from me to the ending and I am pretty sure I can follow it.
I love that feeling when a plot clicks. It’s the best feeling in the world to see how it’s all going to come together and to know that you’ve got control of it. This is why I write, this is what I strive for when I put pen to paper…that ah-ha moment.
Find your peace, hopefully it will contain some ah-ha’s, and live it,