N. Renee Brown

Part-time Author, Full-time Book Junkie

Thinking thanksgiving…

Why do I have to be thankful?
I don’t wanna.

I don’t want to think of all the things in my life I should be thankful for, from my wife (and the fact that I can have a wife), to my dogs, to my family and friends, to my job, to my safety and health…

I don’t wanna spend all day listing off how blessed I am. It’ll take too much time and I need to get to enjoying it.

Someone said to me the other day: I have so much to live for, it sort of makes me scared.

I know exactly how that feels. There was a time when I didn’t care much what happened to me, I was a little self-destructive and a little short-sighted. I did wild things and had (fleeting) good times. It gave me stories to tell now, cautionary tales of a sort.

The minute I found a family to love, that all changed…I went from not caring, to being terrified. I had too much worth living for, and suddenly death was very real and present. I still live with that fear, it has changed over the years, but it is still there and still a driving force.

But hey, it lets me be thankful. 🙂

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