N. Renee Brown

Part-time Author, Full-time Book Junkie


A writer I keep up with has a wonderful word she uses for bad mornings… “dreamsick”. I love it. It captures, for me, that horrible waking up and knowing something was/is/continues to be wrong in the world (or perhaps just in your head). It is a word that slips off the tongue with that greasy feel that lets you know it’s bad. Yeah, it’s a good word for…well, let me explain.
I’ve been having some “dreamsickness” myself lately…sleep, usually my best friend, has skittered off in favor of bad television and fluffy books. I’ve done everything I can to make myself sleep, and I even succeed in getting to sleep. It’s the staying there that is the problem.
I can’t really write during this time, it either engages me too much forcing me to keep my eyes open when I should be letting them drift shut or I wake the next day to find the things I have written have a lot of extra letters and make little to no sense. It is frustrating because I feel I should be getting something done during this time…I should be editing or at least working on the Zombie story I wanted to have done for tomorrow. I should be finishing Persephone, who has gotten shoved aside for other tasks. I should be…well, honestly, I should be sleeping but I’m not doing that so I should buck up and get something done, right? Wrong.
Really, I work better when I am bright and alert…just look at this post for an example of not quite awake me…I like having a full night’s rest under my belt and I enjoy not falling asleep at work. I am the kind of person that gets up early (not crazy early but usually in the single digits of morning) and gets to work before the rest of the world has to wake up and get in my way. I especially like getting up too early for the dogs…that is a treat for me. Being totally alone to do what I like.
When I don’t sleep that does not happen. Funny that, eh?
Add onto the loss of alone time, which impacts how I treat people for the rest of the day, the dreamsickness (waking up feeling bad and unrested) and you’ve got me in a mood. It might not be bad, it might just be sad or quiet or worried, but it is not the typical me. And not typical me has a harder time devoting herself to the typical tasks she need to be doing.
Instead of escaping the pressures through my writing, I find myself escaping into online games or television or movies. Books and writing don’t work when I’m like this…unless the book is REALLY good. And those escapes are not helping me…they are draining away my time and not giving anything back.
UGH! I feel like it is a no-win situation. Really, seriously.
Time for a nap.

Events, Life

    2 comments already | Leave your own comment

  1. 7/31/2008 | 3:46 pm Permalink

    I’m trying really hard to learn to write even when I’m down. It’s hard. Very, very, very hard. Which is frustrating. When I’m down at work, I’m not as productive, but I can slog through a project plan or arrange somebody’s travel. Tapping in to that part of my brain that is where the writing comes from? Not so easy.

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  2. 8/6/2008 | 12:16 pm Permalink

    I agree! It’s very hard.
    My mother used to tell me, “I can always tell when you are down…all your plants die.”

    And she was right! Whenever I got down or worried or if something was bothering me I would start letting everything slide. Writing, plants, exercise, joy, happiness…it would all distill down into work-eat-sleep for me, leaving nothing behind.

    As I’ve gotten older, it is far less intense but even now you can tell if something is bothering me by looking at my laundry pile. If it is huge, something is wrong. 🙂

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